The First Inch.

I've had this blog for a while, but have never posted anything. A good friend of mine (really more of a big sister), suggested that I start by copying and pasting a status update from my Facebook. So here goes nothing. :o)

My Facebook post:

I am not functioning well these days. The truth is I haven't been functioning well for quite some time. As I look back on my life, it defies every ounce of my understanding that I could be anything but completely useless. Yet somehow I have managed to at least partially evade that fate thus far. I have managed for the better part of my life to appear to be normal functioning, whatever that means. But the truth is I am not. I have struggled my entire life to complete even the simplest of tasks. Not because I am not capable of performing those tasks per se. But because my mind can not help but get in its own way. People have always chocked it up to my laziness and I did nothing to dissuade them. Perhaps to be thought of as simply lazy, was preferable to being thought of as defective. But the truth is I am defective. My brain has never functioned as smoothly or as quickly as those of my peers. I have always been prone to distraction and day dreaming. But as I face the reality of getting older and eventually having to be on my own (truth be told I should already be on my own), I am paralyzed by the fear of the inevitability that I will fall flat on my face. It can happen no other way. All that I am capable of is failure, yet for some reason I have been given more opportunity and second chances than is warranted by anything I have ever done or accomplished. Don't believe the hype. I am not more than what I seem to be. If anything I am way less than what I seem to be. Never before have I felt so inadequate, yet so strangely at peace with my fate, whatever it happens to be.